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Drinkers welcome GILWERN slaughter verdict.

Drinkers throughout the UK who would normally be prosecuted for "drunk driving" welcomed the outrageous, and stupefying verdict that the GILWERN slaughterman has escaped prosecution, "because he was operating in difficult circumstances".

Drunk drivers will be able to slur the excuse to the boys in blue, "but orifice, I remind you of the recent GILWERN precedent in law, namely it is difficult in the circumstances to operate my vehicle whilst intoxicated and keep within the speed limit and without erratic movements when I can't judge these difficult things in these terribly extenuating circumstances.

I put it to you orifice, I was unfairly forced by the publican in yonder drinking establishment, in exchange for my Euros, to lubricate my throat with an evil liquid. So please orifice, be on your way my good man and watch out for breaches in FMD biosecurity in this region, and stop wasting good public money on drunks like me."

Police in such difficult circumstances will have no option under the Human Rights Act but to wish the drunks bon voyage and a safe journey home;

In fact some observers think the police will be obliged under their "duty of care" obligations to escort the inebriated safely to their destination, in case the law is reversed and they are found guilty of exercising common sense in difficult circumstances.

Captain Bryn Wayt - Duty Press Liaison Officer and Difficult Circumstances Investigator